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Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make

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#1 GachiMuchi

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 09:14 AM

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Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make

 

20TH MAR 2013

Straight, Gay, LGBT We all want to have a great relationship but some of us just don’t know how to keep one. Here are some common mistakes Gay men make in relationships. 

1. Open Relationships: While we may want to live interesting and experimental lives, the biggest mistake a Gay couple can make is having an open one. You would assume that what you have is enough to make it work, but when you feel like you need more than what you have, it borders problems. You and your partner risk the trouble of falling in love with someone else, having chemistry he might prefer over yours, or risk putting the whole relationship out to dry. While threesomes may be a bit more optional, Open relationships just don’t seem to be the way to go about things and is probably the number one reason Gay relationships don’t work. Sometimes when a relationship doesn’t work its time to move on. Don’t recycle something you’re not going to use again and use OPEN as an excuse. 
 
2. Neediness: A common relationship mistake Gay men make is attaching themselves too much and too quickly. Even twins born together have their own ways of being independent. It is not your partner’s fault if you have had issues in the past with other people or family and it is not his job to pick up the pieces. While there is nothing wrong with loving hard, a Gay man must always learn to have his own voice, his own identity and his own life. If you worry too much about latching on, you run the risk of pushing your partner away. 
 
3. Arguing: No relationship is perfect, and we all argue and disagree sooner or later. But arguing about everything can be very toxic. Stop using excuses about how “Strong” & “Independent” you are to win a fight. Respect boundaries, respect each other and respect space and opinions. While he may not say everything you want to hear, learn to listen and learn to understand. After all, you picked him right? Don’t say anything you’re going to regret later. Sometimes words hurt more than sticks and stones and sometimes saying things in the heat of the moment can result in losing someone you truly love. If it’s not important, let it go. If it’s something you can’t control, learn to vocalize your concerns and learn to keep it to the point. If you are hitting a brick wall, analyze your relationship and make a decision whether he is right for you. But never destroy your relationship with words. 
 
4. Being With Someone For Comfort (Money, Favors, Apartment) While there is no problem moving in with your boyfriend or sharing an account or money, there is a fine line between sharing and taking more than he wants to give. Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net. Learn to work for your own, earn your own and have your own things. There’s nothing worse than having a break-Up and you having to be out on the street because everything belongs to him. While some men may seem amazing at first, you quickly find out they may be using you as well. Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.  
 
5. Going to the club together: While many may disagree, this is probably the most common mistake a Gay man can make. A club is never a place to spend quality time with your boyfriend. While it may seem innocent and fun, Clubs involve alcohol and a bunch of hot guys (depending on what club you go to). And while you may say that your eyes are only for him, and his for you, there is a lot of distraction and a lot of men who are not afraid to flirt hardcore. Some men go to clubs just to find a man to fuck. If you are not there to hook up do not pretend like its for the music. Unfortunately, in the Gay community there are people who don’t respect what you have and while its all about trust, I don’t think you want to complicate it by having a guy shake his ass in front of you. A small bar or a more loungy upscale place is more convenient. You don’t have to worry about going to the bathroom and leaving your cameraphone on.   
 
6. Putting Your Relationship Status on FB: You might be that guy who feels like your boyfriend should definitely change his relationship status on FB to prove his love, but this may harm you more than it works for you. Why? Because you or your boyfriend may notice that your friend requests keep growing only because people want to know who this guy is. Some guys don’t care and will hit on your boyfriend even if it says In Relationship. Don’t ask me why they’re like this, but its a fact. Also, you may get upset when these sudden mutual friends leave innuendos or comments on your boyfriends timeline, assuming your stupid enough not to notice. While anyone would assume its all about trust, like the club, some men just have no respect or dignity. Some men are more attracted to what they can’t have or will do things to spite you. So prepare yourself. Sometimes its better to just not put up a relationship status to begin with and just trust your partner. Its up to you.

 
7. Not Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With Friends: You’re his boyfriend not his master. The biggest mistake a Gay man can do is think he can control his boyfriend. While a lot of Gay couples don’t mind being on a leash and it works for them, some people just need space. This is where trust really comes in. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend enough with any of his friends, then he’s not for you. A good boyfriend is suppose to make you feel secure and know that he is there for you not because you’re around. Same thing with Passwords and emails. If you can’t trust your boyfriend you don’t deserve him. He’s his own person and whether you like it or not, we’re in the real world. Unlike the club where you’re in a close capacity to horny drunk men, the world is full of different people, not all out to get your man. Learn to trust and to live your own life as well. Some things you can do together and some apart.

 

You might also want to read about :

 

7 Break-Up Mistakes Gay Men Make

 

Open Relationships: What People Don’T Want You To Know

 

Common Relationship Mistakes Emotionally Unavailable Gay Men Make



#2 solaze75

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 09:35 AM

Very interesting read . . . and in actuality, I totally agree . . .:)


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#3 greenroad

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:02 AM

Thanks gm for this refresher. Needed to reflect once in awhile.
----- why cant life be bigger than facing constraints and making decisions -----

#4 The.Intrv.

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 10:39 AM

Intriguing.


For these flaws I lament.


#5 Dashy_Boy

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 10:00 AM

Agreed. Nice one GachiMuchi



#6 sportsboysg

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 06:58 PM

Agree.. especially no.1 because the other guy might just use him/you for sex, and u r stupid enough to fall for it, end up he dump you/your boyfren, and end up with nothing else

 

thats the most common I see... ;)



#7 alien

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 10:04 PM

Very true.
幸福可以很简单 ,如果你懂得如何知足常乐。

#8 orange.bottle

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 10:07 PM

Thumbs up right!

#9 NielKlient

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 10:44 PM

Nice facts.!



#10 speedoluver

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 10:58 PM

Few weeks back, i hit the brick wall in my rs but i am glad that happen cos i now understand him more ;)



#11 Jeff_7

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 01:58 AM

That Great ... i agree with GM... Need more time to reflect once awhile



#12 GachiMuchi

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 03:20 AM

Correction guys. I can't claim the credit. I did not write the above. It was written by http://revolutionary...es-gay-men-make



#13 123ZZZ

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 08:05 AM

Thanks for sharing, really very meaningful

#14 derryfawne

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Posted 20 April 2013 - 07:39 AM

Agree with most, if not all.


“Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

#15 SeannyShortcake

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Posted 20 April 2013 - 10:30 AM

"...Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net...Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury."

 

This author is a genius.

 

We may not realise it but this puts to words what many of us are actually thinking when choosing partners.


disce quasi semper victurus vive quasi cras moriturus

#16 acem69

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Posted 15 October 2013 - 11:20 PM

Im new here

#17 CordonBleu

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Posted 16 October 2013 - 12:20 AM

Damn,,, I love this post XD


Under your influence, you're the magic in my veins.

 


#18 CordonBleu

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Posted 16 October 2013 - 12:22 AM

Damn... I love this topic haha.

 

Correction guys. I can't claim the credit. I did not write the above. It was written by http://revolutionary...es-gay-men-make

Credits for the reference!! :D 


Under your influence, you're the magic in my veins.

 


#19 epicus

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Posted 18 October 2013 - 02:55 PM

Real Fact~ this is reality!!!



#20 -ST-

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Posted 18 October 2013 - 03:16 PM

"...Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net...Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury."

 

This author is a genius.

 

We may not realise it but this puts to words what many of us are actually thinking when choosing partners.

Like this phase.. seriously quite a lot wanted the other party to commit, even if the other party is not the playful, unfaithfuly type and has already said that he wanted to go slow for fear of hurting each other.. but sadly most who are pushy cannot accept this..sigh..



#21 studdyboy

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Posted 18 October 2013 - 03:48 PM

Thanks for sharing!!! Totally agree ;)

#22 epicus

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 09:01 PM

Read this few days back, now read again~

Feel the different again @.@



#23 Rafa87

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 09:07 PM

Number 6 perfectly sums up the reason why my last two relationships failed :(

#24 azimuth

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 09:19 AM

I think everyone should pin this up on the wall and go through this check list before deciding to go for a new relationship. :-)



#25 -Guest-

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Posted 03 November 2013 - 11:57 PM

Disagree with most, speaking from a decades long relationship.



#26 gstc82

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Posted 04 November 2013 - 08:03 AM

Giving up on a relationship withou. Trying hard enough to.save it.
Giving up on a relationship withou. Trying hard enough to.save it.

#27 -Zephz-

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 10:33 AM

Thanks for sharing. I really like this thread.

#28 iamziz

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Posted 12 December 2013 - 06:37 PM

 
10 common mistakes gay men make in the dating world
 
 
By Brent Heinze
 
 
10. “Big muscles or a handsome face make up for being stupid or rude.”
The most important qualities for a person to possess are integrity, inner strength and intelligence.  Some people feel that muscles can compensate for the inner demons, but at the end of the day, these people remain insecure, sad and lonely. Being an arrogant douche only serves to alienate you from others, except for those shallow enough to be impressed by your physical overcompensation.
 
9. “He cheated on his last four boyfriends but he won’t cheat on me because we’re in love.”
It takes a lot of personal initiative to change any behavior. When a person feels entitled enough to cheat on his partner, that shows a deep-rooted belief that his desires are more important that anyone else’s, probably yours as well. Protect your heart, and your genitals.
 
8. “I’m just not good at connecting with people.”
There are only a few people in the world that are natural social stud-muffins. Most of us still remember our awkward years where we felt like we didn’t fit in to the popular crowd. Rope-in your confidence, and put yourself in a social situation where you have the opportunity to strike up some casual conversations.
 
7. “You can’t find love on a dating site or in a bar.”
Quite the contrary. Actually, staying in your apartment wishing for Prince Charming to find and fondle you is totally pointless. Logging onto social networking/dating sites or venturing out from your house mentally prepares you for meeting and interacting with people. You can improve your communication skills, change your expectations or hang out in different environments to increase your chances. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
 
6. “I will never find a good relationship.”
This is one of the most destructive beliefs that can cause depression, isolation, bitchy attitudes and a lack of initiative in getting out to meet people. Maybe a more accurate statement would be, “I am never going to marry Enrique Iglesias.” You may need to re-examine what you are looking for and how you are doing it. There are many awesome people out there. Don’t close yourself off to possibility.
 
5. “Gay men can’t be trusted and are emotional trainwrecks.”
This is not always the case, but many feel that there is a high prevalence of dishonesty, substance abuse and annoying quirks. It is so important to really take the opportunity to get to know someone before you ask him to move in or make him your Power of Attorney. Unfortunately, it may take longer than a few weeks.
 
4. “Being nice and thoughtful isn’t valued in our community.”
The stereotype that states: “nice guys always finish last” isn’t true. However, there are some other things that can keep you from finishing first. Being caring or sympathetic is great, but it can be pushed to the extreme. You may want to hold off on sending two tickets to Palm Springs to the guy you went on a first date with last night.
 
3. “Bars are the only places to meet gay people.”
Many times bars can hold the highest concentration of gays at any given time, but we are everywhere. Get creative. Go to coffee shops, parks, museums, social organizations or book stores (not just the dirty ones). Keep your eyes open for that cute guy that just smiled at you walking down the sidewalk. Don’t look away; smile back!
 
2. “Drugs and alcohol increase my chances of scoring.”
Being obnoxious, falling down and making an ass of yourself will not guarantee you get laid. Actually, most of the time people aren’t impressed by it and your equipment won’t work anyway if you do get the opportunity to get naked with someone. Keep your usage in check. There is a fine line between social lubricant and an oil spill.
 
1. “That person is too hot to talk to.”
There is absolutely no one too hot for you to walk up to and say, “hi.” Be careful not to get confused if someone returns the greeting. It does not mean that he wants to strike up a conversation, is going to sleep with you, or that you should grab his crotch. Picking up on social cues and body language can help you figure out if you should continue trying to engage this person in conversation, or move on to another stud.
 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no

right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind,

changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up."

― J'son M. Lee 


#29 -Heart Breaker-

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Posted 16 October 2014 - 04:32 AM

Hi folks

 

Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?

 

Thank you



#30 Raiden Alpha

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Posted 16 October 2014 - 04:53 AM

Hi folks

Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?

Thank you


Be brave.
Be honest.
Be respectful.
Be tactful.
未入俗世,谈何得脱?
既入俗世,莫问因果。

#31 -Monogamous-

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Posted 16 October 2014 - 10:41 AM

Regarding about opened relationships, alot of people argued that it is up to the couple to decide and set the parameters and boundaries. There are many claims of "successful" opened relationships on the internet and also by people in our gay circles.

 

 

My own principle is still towards monogamy because from my perspective, many of these "opened relationship" couples have too much time on hand and choose not to focus on growing/evolving their relationships, but instead to spend time looking for hookups (well whether you cruise in sauna or on the internet, it takes alot of time and effort). Most of the time I also noticed that these people are just waiting for something better to come along. 

 

Maybe because I am not a highly sexed person, and can be happy just resting in bed cuddling with my partner (instead of chasing non stop mechanical anal sex or blow jobs). 



#32 fab

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Posted 16 October 2014 - 03:13 PM

Hi folks
 
Can anyone here tell me how to end a relationship with politeness without hurting each other?
 
Thank you


If u have been truly into a relationship, there's no way u wont be hurt.
鍾意就好,理佢男定女



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