Looking For Long Term Relationship But Lack Confidence On My Body Size

[Guest Forever love]

Dear all gays,

Have you ever wonder looking for a long term relationship in gay circle? For me, the answer is yes. It is my dream to find a trustworthy, mature thinking, caring, career oriented, confident and well built body boy friend since I am young. I knew that I am gay when I am 13 years old but I just keep it to myself and study very hard. I was excellent achiever in academic and currently I work in professional field too.

However if I wish to find a good quality boy friend and married to him, then I must have the best quality too. One thing I not satisfied with myself is refer to my skinny body type. Recently, I start to do gym exercise but I found that it is very difficult to build up my body since I am ectomorph.

Everytime I watch gay romantic movie, I am so admire the couple inside the movie. I like kiss and cuddle with my cute partner on the bed. I like the feeling to be loved by someone. Sometime when I feel lonely, I might start to think about cruising and look for buddies to have sex. I feel guilty about that. I wish to stop all this and concentrate on my workout training until I become slim fit. However, sometime I lose focus.

Anyone have come across with this kind of experiences and wish to share more how you look for your boy friend, how you concentrate on workout and how long you had been attached with him? Thx.

[Guest Guest]

Errrrrr... you know these guys are ectomorphs??? The problem is not in your body but in your mind...

 

   

[jaylen]

While it may sound ironic or even unbelievable, not all guys are that superficial. Furthermore, there are many who prefer ectomorphs - given the Korean boy craze. Having said that, I don't think you should worry about your body size. What matters most is compatibility and your own social skills.  

[Guest guest]

My boyfriend is a mature chub. He has no confidence at all in finding a life partner. I am on the other hand a gymfit mature top. It was the least expected that we match each other not physically but emotionally , spiritually and mentally. Few gay guys may wonder what brings us together.

It is important to have confidence in yourself in your present look. Just be yourself without pretension and i am sure a kind soul will enter your life. Be happy. There are few in this gay circles that treasure sincerity more than anything else. Good luck.

[Guest Guest]

I was excellent achiever in academic and currently I work in professional field too.

This posting sounds extremely fishy. Such bad use of tense and such poor stringing of words does not reflect someone who has done well academically and who is a working professional.

[G_M]

This posting sounds extremely fishy. Such bad use of tense and such poor stringing of words does not reflect someone who has done well academically and who is a working professional.

From his IP address, I can see that TS is from neighbouring country.

and from his other post under the same IP, he travels between SG and MY.

Hope that answers your doubt.

[Guest rhys]

If you think about what attracts you to someone romantically, it's never all about the body or face.  Often times, it's because you have common interests, or you like how the person is someone who you want to be. I've been told I have a nice face, and I have had a slight tummy (31" waist) most of my life. Some people have bitched me, asking why my tummy is so big. That hurt, but I had to learn not to let it bother me. Despite my tummy, I've dated my share of decent men, among them an ex-commando with a six pack. My current boyfriend is the love of my life, he's smart, good looking and has an average body and we've been together for ten years.

 

Then I know people who built perfect bodies, but neglected building their character. As they date the same type of people, they think that they can find better people and the relationships break down.

 

Continue working out for health and your self-esteem. and don't neglect your character growth as you're going to need both to find love and the right person to be in love with.

[Steve5380]

This posting sounds extremely fishy. Such bad use of tense and such poor stringing of words does not reflect someone who has done well academically and who is a working professional.

 

I disagree.  A professional is not expected to have a better English unless the profession is in English linguistics.  His sparingly use of articles could be due to having Chinese as the first language.

[G_M]

I disagree.  A professional is not expected to have a better English unless the profession is in English linguistics.  His sparingly use of articles could be due to having Chinese as the first language.

Let me point out that, most of our neighbours either are good in English and Malay or Chinese / Mandarin and Malay but never English and Mandarin together.

Alternatively, he could have completed his higher studies in Sg when and got a PR and are working in Sg which had to travel to and from Sg and My.

[Steve5380]

 One thing I not satisfied with myself is refer to my skinny body type. Recently, I start to do gym exercise but I found that it is very difficult to build up my body since I am ectomorph.

Everytime I watch gay romantic movie, I am so admire the couple inside the movie. I like kiss and cuddle with my cute partner on the bed. I like the feeling to be loved by someone. Sometime when I feel lonely, I might start to think about cruising and look for buddies to have sex. I feel guilty about that. I wish to stop all this and concentrate on my workout training until I become slim fit. However, sometime I lose focus.

 

 

To work out is only easy for a few people. It is an activity that requires patience, much patience, effort and knowledge. It takes YEARS to reach your objective, but, as you know,  years pass anyway.  It is worth the effort because even with all the negatives, its benefits extend beyond middle age.  So if it takes you five years to reach your objective,  you have many decades left to enjoy its benefits. And the older we get, the more the working out makes a difference.

 

Forget about this 'ectomorph' thing or other morphisms.  Working out with weights can make a skinny body more muscular. (without it, it stays skinny or goes directly to fat).  So this is good news, you CAN become muscular.  This is a hundred times better than to have a big body and wanting to be more skinny, because this is impossible (or maybe possible only with surgery?)

 

Of course you can find consolation in the usual preachings about the body not being as important as the soul and blah, blah, blah.  But since you started exercising, it should be natural to PERSIST, and dedicate to it your efforts for a good time, like a year.  This can save you the big regret in ten years of not having persisted now.  As soon as you start noticing results, you may easily become an addict...  to a positive addiction.

 

One word about knowledge:  It would appear that there is little to know about weight lifting, something so primitive that even a retarded person can do it.  But results are very dependent on technique, and this has to be learned.  Get some good books about the topic, or get with a personal trainer for a short while to be initiated into the activity.

[Guest Forever love]

If you think about what attracts you to someone romantically, it's never all about the body or face. Often times, it's because you have common interests,

or you like how the person is someone who you want to be. I've been told I have a nice face, and I have had a slight tummy (31" waist) most of my life. Some people have bitched me, asking why my tummy is so big. That hurt, but I had to learn not to let it bother me. Despite my tummy, I've dated my share of decent men, among them an ex-commando with a six pack. My current boyfriend is the love of my life, he's smart, good looking and has an average body and we've been together for ten years.

Then I know people who built perfect bodies, but neglected building their character. As they date the same type of people, they think that they can find better people and the relationships break down.

Continue working out for health and your self-esteem. and don't neglect your character growth as you're going to need both to find love and the right person to be in love with.

I really appreciate for your advice. Currently I did met some of my dream guy with the characteristic that I looking for. However I don't know how to let him know that I like him.I always feel low self-esteem when I look at my body size. Btw, he is gay too. I really want to start a relationship but I worry it might be not the right time yet.

[Guest Forever love]

To work out is only easy for a few people. It is an activity that requires patience, much patience, effort and knowledge. It takes YEARS to reach your objective, but, as you know, years pass anyway. It is worth the effort because even with all the negatives, its benefits extend beyond middle age. So if it takes you five years to reach your objective, you have many decades left to enjoy its benefits. And the older we get, the more the working out makes a difference.

Forget about this 'ectomorph' thing or other morphisms. Working out with weights can make a skinny body more muscular. (without it, it stays skinny or goes directly to fat). So this is good news, you CAN become muscular. This is a hundred times better than to have a big body and wanting to be more skinny, because this is impossible (or maybe possible only with surgery?)

Of course you can find consolation in the usual preachings about the body not being as important as the soul and blah, blah, blah. But since you started exercising, it should be natural to PERSIST, and dedicate to it your efforts for a good time, like a year. This can save you the big regret in ten years of not having persisted now. As soon as you start noticing results, you may easily become an addict... to a positive addiction.

One word about knowledge: It would appear that there is little to know about weight lifting, something so primitive that even a retarded person can do it. But results are very dependent on technique, and this has to be learned. Get some good books about the topic, or get with a personal trainer for a short while to be initiated into the activity.

Dear Steve,

I like your advice the most. I always try to forget myself born as a ectomorph. I always bulk up myself with high calorie stuffs. I start to see the result. I gain weight from time to time. However, my final aim is to get muscular body, not just only weight. The keyword is persistent and dedication. Recently, I had found a gym buddy to motivate me to do gym together. I wish to transform myself to a hot guy purely for my own satisfaction and increase my self-esteem. On the other hand, can attract guys who share the common interest, chemistry, good attitude and the one who can love me forever. Perhaps people might say I am another superficial guy who just look for hot body. I disagree with that. No doubt getting a slim fit boyfriend is my preference. However, I won't consider to date with a guy with bad attitude and ego eventhough he is 100% hot. I cannot tolerate with this types of guys.

I know that workout is definitely not easy. Anyway, I believe I will meet my Mr right one day. Thx for the sharing.

[Guest Forever love]

My boyfriend is a mature chub. He has no confidence at all in finding a life partner. I am on the other hand a gymfit mature top. It was the least expected that we match each other not physically but emotionally , spiritually and mentally. Few gay guys may wonder what brings us together.

It is important to have confidence in yourself in your present look. Just be yourself without pretension and i am sure a kind soul will enter your life. Be happy. There are few in this gay circles that treasure sincerity more than anything else. Good luck.

Admire you guys. Wish you and your boyfriend attached together until forever.I will strive hard to find my love one.

[GachiMuchi]

I really appreciate for your advice. Currently I did met some of my dream guy with the characteristic that I looking for. However I don't know how to let him know that I like him.I always feel low self-esteem when I look at my body size. Btw, he is gay too. I really want to start a relationship but I worry it might be not the right time yet.

Well, you are lucky you are not born ugly or without limbs, its only that you don't have a "nice" body to your liking.

 

1. If you don't love yourself, how you expect others to love you.

2. Your insecurities will be your own downfall, stop thinking that everyone is going after nice bod / look. Even if you can win someone with a nice bod / looks, if your character and attitude don't cut it, your relationship will still fail.

3. You are not handicap or old and feeble, I am sure if you are willing to put effort or even employ a trainer to train you, I am sure your can build something up from that ectomorph frame of your.

4. Stop being so negative. Negative people is another energy drainer which many people will avoid.

 

My 2 cents worth.

[Steve5380]

Dear Steve,

I like your advice the most. I always try to forget myself born as a ectomorph. I always bulk up myself with high calorie stuffs. I start to see the result. I gain weight from time to time. However, my final aim is to get muscular body, not just only weight. The keyword is persistent and dedication. Recently, I had found a gym buddy to motivate me to do gym together. I wish to transform myself to a hot guy purely for my own satisfaction and increase my self-esteem. On the other hand, can attract guys who share the common interest, chemistry, good attitude and the one who can love me forever. Perhaps people might say I am another superficial guy who just look for hot body. I disagree with that. No doubt getting a slim fit boyfriend is my preference. However, I won't consider to date with a guy with bad attitude and ego eventhough he is 100% hot. I cannot tolerate with this types of guys.

I know that workout is definitely not easy. Anyway, I believe I will meet my Mr right one day. Thx for the sharing.

 

Very good.  You are starting to realize that 'ectomorph' is simply a word.  Now that you are in a state of awareness, please notice also this tendency to link a positive goal with a bunch of negatives:  a great body 100% hot...  oh, will this cause bad attitude?  is it being 'superficial'?

 

A good body is not superficial.  It goes deeper than the skin, the looks.  Feeling fit and strong is an enjoyment of its own, even if we are not seen by anybody.  

[darkflame]

If you train your body without realising that charisma or aura is more important, it will still be the same if you consider relationships.

Those that date you and can't stop touching your hot bod are just long term hookups, still under the　name of relationships.

[lifeart]

Sometimes you just have to wait it out....

 

Just keep on exercising.  Enjoy the process, instead of being constantly unsatisfied with yourself.  Accept where you are now and believe in where you are going if you keep doing the right things - eating right, resting right, exercising right.  Do it as much for yourself as for your potential Mr Right.  

 

I myself am a very negative person and I admire you for already working out - you are doing great!  As for cruising etc, I suppose you don't have to be too hard on yourself.  The important thing is when you do find someone right for you and get attached, how do you keep the relationship going strong?  I think that's something singles tend not to think about, so caught up are we in romantic fantasizing. 

[alien]

Finding a LTR what it got to do with having a skinny or well built body leh? If u have chemistry reaction with the other guy, no matter how ur appearance looks like, not really important.