7 Break-Up Mistakes Gay Men Make

[GachiMuchi]

7 Break-Up Mistakes Gay Men Make

13th Oct 2013

 

Breaking up can be really messy sometimes and while we really want to move on, we can hinder ourselves unintentionally. We can allow our feelings to get involved and this can cause a bigger problem than the break up itself. Here are a few Break-Up mistakes gay men make:
 

7. Revenge: No matter how much you say you’re going to move on, the one thing you want to do is burn every memory of the ex. You always hope to never run into him although you secretly go to all the places he goes to just to see what he’s up to. You secretly wait until he’s with the new guy to really size him up and make a scene. You purposely trash his name and expect the whole world to be on our side because you did nothing wrong. You slash his tires, close bank accounts, stop mutual payments, the whole nine just to prove that he was nothing without you. This can all seem like a great deal but it can only fuel your anger and satisfy it rather than heal you in hopes of moving on. If you avoided where he was it would show him you’ve really moved on and not trying to make the same mistakes. If you properly end payments and close bank accounts with his knowledge, you’re letting him know you’re not immature and that what you felt for him before was real and you were just letting him know out of common courtesy. Making a scene or trashing his name will make your friends think you’re still into him. And while you may be, its always better to heal properly rather than slandering and hurting yourself in the process. Healing is never easy but it doesn’t have to be hard.
 

6. Sexting & Booty Calls: You were with him for a reason and that’s for sure but calling your ex over for a booty call or sexting him can seem at first like you’re in control but can easily turn for the worse. You broke up with this guy for a reason and your goal is to avoid him to heal rather than see his face every night because the sex is amazing. While you can try and say that you are brave and that no feelings are attached, remember you had a history with him and it can sneak up on you when you least expect it. One day you’re going to bring up real feelings and he’ll just slam you down or vice versa. It’s just better to either mend the relationship if both of you are invested or end it for good. There are plenty of booties in the sea.
 

 

5. This house is My House: Many gay men move in with a partner who has a great house and expensive things and that may seem wonderful at first, but once there’s a break-up its get out and don’t take anything. You can try and fight for what you feel was rightfully yours but who are you kidding? There is actually a really simple solution for this: don’t make your life for rent like the Dido song says. Have a future even if you were a non-working boyfriend. Have a back-up education, friends and family you can go to, or you can even end the relationship with civility. There’s nothing nicer than sitting down with your ex and explaining to him that you’d like to continue to stay in the home until you find your own place. He may even pay for the first month’s rent. Don’t ever underestimate your ex. If you are one of those people that have a career and can move on, still have the decency to respect what you had with the ex unless he really hurt you then you can just move on. I always say, make sure what you have in life is from the both of you because relying too much on a man can be a dangerous thing. You don’t want to be kicked out in the street. Gay relationships can get really ugly and you don’t want to pay the consequences. You also don’t want to be frugal and live with the ex even after you broke up because it can lead to complications, jealousy and eating breakfast with one of his boy toys. Make this break up relevant to you.
 

 

4. Silly Rift: If you have a very valid reason for breaking up with your ex then continue, but if your break up is based on petty accusations and jealousy you can seemingly bring strife on to yourself and your potential love of your life. Breaking up for silly things can cause both of you to sleep with someone you don’t really like and then make matters worse. Always try and fix your problems and if breaking up is the ultimate sacrifice, then go right ahead and do it. But I implore that you try and nip a problem in the bud or keep it moving. Don’t drag a on again off again relationship because both of you will be confused as to what’s really going on. Boundaries will be crossed and when you think you’re together or you think you’re not you’ll be confused like I am.
 

 

3. Inner Circle: Gay men tend to recycle their boyfriends. This is a fact and those that are offended by this are merely hiding the truth. When you leave your boyfriend there is always a friend who is willing to take sloppy seconds. To avoid a situation like this, try and find a decent boyfriend who isn’t secretly eye-balling your friends but then again if he’s your ex this is probably the reason why you left him. Try and surround yourself by genuine people who aren’t coveting you. There’s nothing more disgusting than going out one night and seeing a close friend dating your ex and using the whole “you guys weren’t together when we got together” bullshit. A real friend doesn’t do that no matter how amazing your ex used to be. Be careful who hangs in your inner circle. But if this happens, and it DOES happen, you play it cool and simply be clear with your friend and this is what you’re going to say: “I’m happy for you. You’re actually doing me a favor by taking him. However, don’t call me anymore. We’re no longer friends.” If your so called friend acts like its not a big deal you made the right choice. Better to cut the root off than the weed. 
 

 

2. Break-ups Aren’t The End Of The World: People can barely focus much less sit around a coffee table and listen to your break up problems. While this may feel like the end of the world to you, it is NOT the end of the world for anyone else. Even a best friend will tell you to snap out of it after a while. Every conversation shouldn’t be about Brad or Devin. It shouldn’t be about old stories and shoulda woulda couldas. While your friends will indulge in your grieving they will be the first to not answer your calls or texts once they are officially over it. Move on. Don’t dwell on the past or wish him the worst. Prove to him that you are not defeated and that while you loved him you don’t anymore. Don’t fuck every guy to forget him, just forget him. Once you’re at peace with the break up you’ll be fun again. 
 

 

1. Lesson Learned: Rather than feel like you made the biggest mistake of your life, learn from it and move on to bigger and better things. Don’t make an ex a best friend. While it seems like a beautiful notion it can be really stressful and every time he meets someone or is in a relationship you will always think, “What if we were still together?” Let me answer that. Because you’re not compatible so let him be happy and you be happy as well. You don’t want to be like some people who think its just the funniest story…”We used to be exes but now we’re the best of friends! Haha!” Don’t complicate your life and don’t dwell in the past. You may be hanging onto him thinking something will happen eventually. He’s your ex for a reason.

 

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