Last Page

[Longpath]

- Last Page -

 

This is the last page of my Diary and it is also the first Page after he left me for almost a year.

There are many regrets in my life and I really like to share it with you.

I hope that after you reading my “Last Page” you won’t put any regrets in life.

There are some path you don’t have to go through to learn that mistake.

 

For people who followed me all the way here ever since I start posted Diary (Memories of David) I really appreciate your support! 

Thanks for the all PMs They are really very sweet and encouraging! Most of your PMs really made my day! ^^ 

 

Let's share our happiness with more people okay!

 

 

  Enjoy your time reading  

[Longpath]

最后 ( Last Page )

19 April 2014

 

 

不知不觉一年就这样过了，今天是你的祭日。这一年来我都很好 不瞒你说 有时候我还会想到你 那是那么美好又难忘的回忆啊 你的笑容提醒着我 要珍惜每一天 我都做到了! 其实到了今天 还是有点难接受你离开的事实，我知道你都会在天上看着我！我会连你的份一起努力的！你还记得我帮你收了那一千只纸鹤吗 有时我都会拿来看看 今天我决定了 我就收到今天为止 毕竟是我要给你的 真的希望你会收到。

 

这一年来 我都没在日记里写下任何人，也许是在回复当中 也或许觉得没什么好写的啦 那就不写了。好啦 今天就写到这里。

 

 

 

A year has passed, just a blink of an eye and today is your memorable day. I have been doing well for this year, to be honest sometime I will still think about you, about the moment, it was such beautiful and unforgettable memories. Your smile reminds of me to treasure my everyday, and I’ve done it! Although has been a year, I am still unable to accept the truth of you leaving, I know you are looking at me somewhere up there! I will do my best not just for me but also for us! Do you remember those paper cranes that I did for you? You want me to look after them till you recovered, I’ll keep till today okay? I really want you to receive it

 

I have not been mention / writing anything into my Diary, maybe it is because I am still on recover mode or perhaps there are nothing I want to write down, so decided not to write anything. Okay la, today will end here.

 

 

 

杰笔上

19 April 2014

2135hrs

[stackhouse]

I can tell that this person is very important to you, he plays a very part in your life and you've stop writing your Diary for almost a year probably because he stand a place in your heart that no one can replace him. Sometime i really admire people like you who can keep the most basic love towards someone. It's really not easy to stay the same, to hold on to something that may not even be happening. But that's what love is right? I hope that you can come out from your past soon! Jia you!

Edited July 1, 2014 by stackhouse

[grey_line]

Its really touching to read your encounters and love to David...though not really sure what happened in between, your simple and unconditional love towards him is really inspiring.

 

you have our support! Jiayou =) 

[Longpath]

I can tell that this person is very important to you, he plays a very part in your life and you've stop writing your Diary for almost a year probably because he stand a place in your heart that no one can replace him. Sometime i really admire people like you who can keep the most basic love towards someone. It's really not easy to stay the same, to hold on to something that may not even be happening. But that's what love is right? I hope that you can come out from your past soon! Jia you!

 

Thank you Stackhouse, yes he is really a important person that no one can replace. Every time when i think about him i will feel encouraged to move on, sometimes i will still refer back to some of his SMSs it is sure nice memories (: Yea it's really not easy at the beginning but as long as both trust on each another, it kind of strengthen the relationship. Haha also also don't worry, i know i have to come out from the past. Maybe one day i may forgotten how he look, how his voice sound like but feeling is something follow us forever. That doesn't mean i am trapped in the past, those are beautiful moment that i want to share with more people. Thank you for reading my post more will come! (:

[Longpath]

Its really touching to read your encounters and love to David...though not really sure what happened in between, your simple and unconditional love towards him is really inspiring.

 

you have our support! Jiayou =) 

 

Thank you Gery. Actually after David found his another half i know that i should move on, i should not be disturbing them. This process take a few months, it's really hard because so many years of feeling is there and the subtle things that happens during this journey is so beautiful but still i kind of able to changed a bit at least able to control my emotion. The one who pass away is not David, but i am going to introduce him soon. Personally i think if we really do love the person, unconditional love? Not sure is that so. Because i really want to treat him this way and by doing so i can also feel happiness as well, sometime to be able to contribute is more meaningful then being loved by someone. But of course if both are fulfilled, is like a bonus already! (:

[Longpath]

02 Oct 2011

 

 

The time now is 0120hrs and I am still awake! So fast holiday almost come to an end. 6 hours later I got to wake up and get ready to go back to school le. Few things has happened recently, I don’t know if I can manage to go into Poly and the cost, I will have to take part-time job to cover my school fee but I am not giving up!

 

Many months has passed, these few months I didn’t write anything about David, I know when I start writing anything about him, I will keep thinking about it. Therefore I choose not to write le. But sometime I will still think about him.

 

Anyway I want to write down something, something that I want to remember, something that makes me feel good. This number “2509” is a memorable day. This day I received an Email from this guy his name is ZW. I am not an open person, even till now only 5 of my friends know that I am gay. I don’t have a circle of friend like me. The only way I feel connected is Social Media but not really active on those, I hardly go in and chat also. But somehow ZW found my profile and he wrote me something.

 

From ZW

Hi CK, I am ZW. How are you today? I have read your ad posted on 21 Sep. In fact, I am also seeking friends and at the same time, hopefully to develop LTR if I manage to meet the right one. I am always highly motivated to produce work of a high standard. That’s why my professors and friends always said I’m a very competitive and ambitious person often driven by the thoughts of success. I truly believe it is this dynamic force that set me to achieve my honors in NUS. I am also a keen learner with an open attitude because I really enjoy finding out new and useful knowledge which I can happily share with my family and friends, I do persevere when facing difficulties during the learning process. I believe this definitely helps me to cope with changes and new situations, as well as preparation for the future. I like doing volunteer work as well, especially children's home. I believe every young person is worthy of love and hope, regardless of their disadvantage backgrounds. There's number of other services as well if we can spare the time e.g. Kids In Play etc. With just a little effort & time in our part, we can help change lives. Same like you, I do not smoke or clubbing or even ONS in my life. I have broken up last November after almost one year in the relationship and presently still in the process of recovery and trying very hard not to think about him anymore. I know and understand it is not easy, but I have no choice. If you think that we are the same group of people or like to know me more, please text me at 12345678 because I seldom online. Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you soon! Regards ZW

 

 

After having a short conversation with him. Personally I find that he’s a kind and helpful person, he is also a tanksful person and we both have many same interests. I really like his personality, the way he present himself are very different to any other gay guy I used to know. We care and encourage each another to move on and at this point I feel that there is someone understand me, we both are facing similar things. Someone who shown so much concern in me, I felt loved and I don’t know if can do the same back to him. I don’t know if I can over come my past but will try my best.

 

 

 

03 Oct 2011

0155hrs

[Longpath]

16 Oct 2011

 

 

Many days have passed, the distance between me and ZW are getting closer. For the past month I am really happy, I am happy and grateful that 老天 took away David and at the same time I get to know ZW. Almost every day he will text or call to improve our relationship. I am happy and really do enjoyed our conversation, sometime can be funny and sometime we are serious. Out of sudden, one of us mention about relationship very easily we both get into this topic. He tells me it’s hard to make a decision now because he is going for an operation and he don’t want me to wait for him. He wants me to move on, at this point I really fall for him.

 

He’s really very nice to me, I have never felt that someone will actually care for me so much, maybe it’s also because I am too used to give and even if there is no return. I am really touch by him. I feel so secure, he give me courage to move on and he don’t mind even if I have to take a long time to get out from my past. Shortly one month, we kind of know each another so much! And now beside than appease him, I don't know what else I can do. I believe he can over come all obstacles! He is brave and strong minded person! You must Jia You ok!

 

 

16 Oct 2011

2320hrs

[member_757]

Oh dear what happened to him?

[Longpath]

Oh dear what happened to him?

 

Nose cancer took him away from us. After I know him for almost a month he did told me that the symptom start reacting gradually and he have to go for operation. During then he didn't tell me the whole issue, what i know was that he need to go for an operation. Until few months before he left us he open to me and tell me everything. If he's still here right now i believe we can be the most happiest couple / Lover. Although he left but he still stand a place inside me, someone who's important to me. A person that keeps reminding me not to lose to fate, not to have regrets and must always remember life is not that long, do not neglect every small detail that happen in life. Those are subtle things that makes the whole picture meaningful.

[Longpath]

19 Oct 2011

 

He will be in the operation room in few hours time. I’m very worry right now I can only pray for him and believe in him. After this operation he will be able to move on with a better life! This operation must be a success!

 

 

20 Oct 2011

0020hrs

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 Oct 2011

 

Just came back from a movie with my brothers, we didn’t have our own family time together for very long time so decided to go out for a movie. Although this movie has many versions but still we went to watch it. 白蛇传 is a very nice story and it is very touching. A snake fall in love with a person, her love towards him are so deep and willing to do what ever it takes to give him the best, the love. They love each another and there is nothing they can’t over come. All obstacles has become a stepping stone the reach to a higher position. Even if there is this reason that two of them cannot to be together but the feeling will always be there. When I was watching this movie in the cinema, many pictures flash in my mind and I cannot concentrate at a point of time. I was so attached to someone and I don’t know how is he doing. I got no news from him after his operation 2 days ago. I didn’t stop SMS or calling but all went to voice mail. I really hope everything will be okay.

 

 

22 Oct 2011

0040hrs

Edited July 5, 2014 by Longpath

[Longpath]

23 Oct 2011

 

Finally I manage to get some update of ZW! I am so worry because I have been making so many phone calls for the past 3 days and finally manage to get through his house phone today! Hello? His mother pick up the phone, everything was good the operation was a success. I feel so much better after hearing this good news. I am happy for him too! He WON this match! I’m seeing good things happening around me and that make me feel really good.

 

 

24 Oct 2011

0045hrs

[Longpath]

29 Oct 2011

 

Right now is 0549hrs, I just woke up and suddenly got a feeling of writing this. I’m not feeling good today, after the operation I hardly see your SMS, the feeling is very unsecure and frightening too. I don’t know is it because something has happen therefore he refuse to contact me. I’m quite sad because you’ve said something recently, the trust between you and me are fading. You are worry that one day I will change my mind because you went for operation, you are worry that one day I will abandon you base on your look after the operation. Even if there is a scar n your face but I really it doesn’t matter at all. The important thing is trust, I like you because of who you are, your personality not base on your look. Why don’t you trust me? If my present are disturbing you then I will leave. Only when you say it to me if not I won’t give up on you.

 

 

 

31 Oct 2011

0630hrs

[Longpath]

02 Nov 2011

 

I believe 真心可以打动人. I can feel that he’s really very depress, he ask me don’t I think that in our circle, guys only going for looks and fun. Personality? What is that? I hate myself, because I couldn’t give him enough trust and I am not good enough, I fail to give him the sense of secure. I couldn’t help it and I am sorry. I could have done batter so that you will have confident in me. If you are willing to give me your hand, I will hold on to it and walk through all obstacles with you. I think we both need some time. My door is always open for you, if you need any help I will be there.

 

 

02 Nov 2011

1945hrs

[Longpath]

03 Nov 2011

 

今天我的心情 想用华语来表达。心情都反反复复 今天外头都下着大雨 雨再大也没我心里的那场雨大。 从几时开始 我们的关系变得那么陌生 我们之间好像发生了很多 距离也越来越远。 这几晚我都无法入眠 眼睛一闭上 我的心就乱了， 我真的乱了。因为你对我付出的 对我的好 那种不要求回报的心意 真的打动了我。从你一开始 到你病了都是为我着想 你这份心意 我不会忘记。我知道现在要你接受我不是一件容易的事 我会用真心来打动你。不要不理我 我只想陪你一起走过这艰难的路。我希望你开心 希望你快乐。快点好起来。

 

 

 

03 Nov 2011

0745hrs

[stackhouse]

Once in awhile i will come and take a look at your post, can really learn something from your Diary and what you have gone through. Many people would have given up at the stating point but yet you have made the decision do go through this path which inspire me a lot. I will come back again to see your amazing post  Be strong and take care ya!

Edited July 13, 2014 by stackhouse

[loacker]

stay strong

[sunnysg]

Felt hearted to read your story n I hope you can move on well at your own pace.stay strong =)

[Longpath]

Once in awhile i will come and take a look at your post, can really learn something from your Diary and what you have gone through. Many people would have given up at the stating point but yet you have made the decision do go through this path which inspire me a lot. I will come back again to see your amazing post  Be strong and take care ya!

 

 

stay strong

 

 

Felt hearted to read your story n I hope you can move on well at your own pace.stay strong =)

 

 

Thank you for your support

 

It's better already, at the beginning i really do have a hard time getting out from there. I took almost a year to face the fact that he's no longer here with me. Sometime in the night i will still think about him there are too many too many memories.

[Longpath]

06 Nov 2011

 

I only hope that ZW can fully recover asap! This morning he fainted again, so worry and hope that I can be at his side during that time? We was on the phone, he didn’t say much, we went silent for a while like we can hear each another breathing, it’s very strange that I didn’t had this kind of feeling before. I ask him to give me the address so that I can pay him a visit but he refuse. I don’t know what is in his mind, he has been suffering so much both physical and mentally. I just hope that everything will be okay soon! You must Jia You okay ZW!

 

 

07 Nov 2011

0055hrs

[Longpath]

07 Nov 2011

 

Today when I switch on my PC, login to FB and I saw an article / story and it is very touching. As I was reading I couldn’t control my tears. I then realize every detail that happen between you and me, there is good there is bad but all this prove something! We care for each another, I will value this relationship and I will walk side by side together with you.

 

 

 

01 Nov 2011

1807hrs

 

 

 

_______________________________​_______________________________​_______________________________​__________________________

 

 

 

 

 

01 Dec 2011

 

We have not been contacting for many days, I even felt a bit angry that why you didn’t care about how I feel anymore, am I really that kind of person you will easily forget? I really thought it was like this but until just now, when auntie pick up the phone call I then know that I am wrong. Although the operation was okay but until now you still not recovered and you are resting at home. I am sorry that I misunderstood you, and guilty for not being able to trust you. I should have trusted you and courage you more like before. After this lesson I think I know what I should do. Please forgive me.

 

 

01 Dec 2011

2330hrs

[Longpath]

25 Dec 2011

 

Hoohooo!! Merry Christmas! Now is 25 Dec 2011 le! Wishing my Family, Friends, Strangers and ofcos ZW with joy and happiness! My buddies are all couple couple, I here by wish the 4 of you 百年好合 你们的爱要像酒一样 越久越浓 (: I’ve made some chocolate for you guys! Hope you guys like it too! Like before I’ve never stop praying for ZW, today is a special day even though I am not with him but I still want to let him know that I am still here for him. I won’t force him anymore just give him more time and he will understand!

 

 

25 Dec 2011

0520hrs

[Longpath]

26 Dec 2011

 

当我写着一页时 我就已经下定决心，也想了很清楚 对你的决心。从第一次认识到你 印象就不错 日子久了开始有了好感。我也告诉知己如果选折了你 就一定要把以前的事给忘了 就算会遇到困难都要坚持下去。 从那天我下定决心开始 都没要有放弃过 我现在希望的事你要开心 其他的都无所谓了。也许你对这段感情没有信心 但我会慢慢的让你知道 我的坚持和决心。 这也是承诺。你对我的好 我不会忘记的。

 

 

26 Dec 2011

2315hrs

Edited August 1, 2014 by Longpath

[snowball]

人生没有遗憾后悔 ， 每个人 ， 不论好的坏的 ， 都是导师都是借镜 ， 每一段经历都是宝贵的经验旅程 。

人生没有后悔药 ， 既然如此 ， 就坦然接受面对 ， 没有什么丢脸或感到可耻的 ，每一段安排 ， 就是最好的安排 ，

智慧由心而生 ， 心由人生得到启发 ， 摔得越重 ， 就更应该洒脱优雅地站起来 ，一时的挫折 ， 却换来一生的收益 。

老天主宰人的寿命 ， 但人生的内容却掌握在自己手中 。

[Longpath]

人生没有遗憾后悔 ， 每个人 ， 不论好的坏的 ， 都是导师都是借镜 ， 每一段经历都是宝贵的经验旅程 。

人生没有后悔药 ， 既然如此 ， 就坦然接受面对 ， 没有什么丢脸或感到可耻的 ，每一段安排 ， 就是最好的安排 ，

智慧由心而生 ， 心由人生得到启发 ， 摔得越重 ， 就更应该洒脱优雅地站起来 ，一时的挫折 ， 却换来一生的收益 。

老天主宰人的寿命 ， 但人生的内容却掌握在自己手中 。

 

我非常了解 尤其是最后的那几句， 可是每一件事都会有“但是”。人生的内容的的确确是掌握在自己的手里， 但是“结果”是我们预料不到的， 是喜是悲我们也要坦然面对。为何你会提到“丢脸或感到可耻“？ 我不记得有提起过也不觉得是一件丢脸或可耻的事。 人生不可能没有遗憾和后悔 只有如何从后悔和遗憾中领悟。每一段安排 就是最好的安排 我本人不站同， 不是每一个安排我们都得接受， 我不要我的人生被安排 我要安排我自己得人生。

 

对，一时的挫折 却换来一生的收益， 但不是每一件事情都能用“收益”来衡量。这不是一生的收益 而是一生中宝贵的经验。摔得越重 就更应该洒脱优雅地站起来， 这是比喻挫败 和我的经历不同 这不是一个挫败 这是天意弄人。如果给我选 我领愿这是个挫败，有些事情，不是人力所能控制的，往往出现人多无法预料的结果，无法诉说的无奈。

[Longpath]

27 Dec 2011

 

Just nice I was looking at my Whatsapp and I happen to see ZW online so I decided to say hi to him. Just within a few mins I saw his reply, he said he decided to give up on this relationship, he want to focus on the treatment and then he didn’t say much after that. He want me to give him a year after he fully settle down and recover then we talk about it. I really don’t mind waiting for a year for someone who’s worth waiting for! It’s just a year is not very long also. I can’s wait for this day to come! I will always be there to encourage you! You must Jia You! (:

 

 

27 Dec 2011

2320hrs

[Longpath]

04 March 2012

 

It’s very late now and I am still awake, 3 month have passed and I still holding that feeling towards you. Everyday I grow up with trust and hope. Your birthday are coming soon and I got something for you during your birthday! I will get 1000 paper cranes ready before your birthday, although I don’t know will I have the chance to pass it to you this year but I still do it. So mean while take care of yourself! (:

 

 

05 March 2012

0505hrs

[Longpath]

07 March 2012

 

 

I'm so careless today. I accidentally cut my finger and piece of my meat came off. It’s really painful and my blood flow out like water pipe! loLs! I think today I will have to stop folding and will wait till tomorrow. Hope I can finish them on time.

 

 

07 March 2012

1730hrs

[Longpath]

22 March 2012

 

 

Today I’ve finish folding 1000 paper cranes! I am happy and joyful that I’ve finally done something for you! I hope you will like it!

 

 

22 March 2012

2325hrs

[Longpath]

25 March 2012

 

 

Today I have participated in the live charity show organized by Thye Hua Kwan, it’s a awesome experience! I always wanted to do something like this! Beside then that, today is also his Birthday, I really hope that this good deeds will credit into his account! Happy Birthday ZW! I’ve send him some photos of the present that I have prepared over the few weeks, he is very touched and happy with the present, our relationship seems to be better as time goes. He told me many many things! We spend a very long night on the phone even though he is not in his best condition. I’m his listening ears for almost the whole night, from his voice, I hear happiness and also sadness. He really love the present I made for him, this is his 1st time receiving a birthday that was so personalize, I then realize that those paper cranes are not just a present to him, is a kind of “emotionally fulfilling” thing and he hope that I can give him more of these. I am really happy because I at least did something that make him smile! But then at the same time I can also hear sadness from his voice. The things that he have to over come are really too much, he told me so much and at some point I can hear subtle sobbing. He’s a really nice person with responsibility, because at this point he worry that he still can’t give me the happiness and he is worry that his condition will pull me down. What we need is just a bit more time. I really hope that the hard time he is going through right now will end the nest morning. I’m sure that’s his birthday wish too so please make this come true!

 

 

 

26 March 2012

0132hrs